you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
