Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
