there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
