And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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