ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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