first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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