my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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