Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
