i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize