i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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