I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
