As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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