all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We have started to decorate penises.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
