ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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