Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
