Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize