please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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