There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
