You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
