dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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