I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
