I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
