she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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