Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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