I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
