And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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