i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
