I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
