Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
