so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
