i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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