I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
