Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
