I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
