it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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