You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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