everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
