Will you blow on my dice?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
