Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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