My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
