Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
