a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
