Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
