His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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