he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
