And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
one two three fourrrrnication!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
