He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
