He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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