4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
