turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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