you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
