So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
