so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
