the condom got lost in my hair
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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