Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
