So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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