i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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