Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
