I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
