Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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