overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
