U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
God, I missed his penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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