i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
