haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
