Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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