so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
a search helicopter?!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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