Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
