I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
