one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
